I had sex with an Anti-Vaxxer - This is what I learned

Article by Karen Naratif

It’s nearly 2022, thanks to Fox news and David Icke Covid is still ruthlessly ripping through the world at an increasingly exponential rate. Every man woman and child is equally at risk of severe disease and even death. Yet I still need to (safely) quench my horny thirst in this new normal era.

Being horny is just about the riskiest state of mind to be in, It can put you in situations of unacceptable risk. After reading my experience I’m sure you will join my calls for the government to step in and mitigate this risk once and for all.

I am not a particularly sociable person in the best of times, often, I go to the cinema by myself to watch powerful films. It helps me feel like a strong, independent critical-thinking woman. Fear not of my dangerous hobby, as I am also proudly quadruple vaccinated, meaning I am completely safe from any risk of Covid. Unless, I found myself sitting directly next to the untermenschen unvaxxed. I recently found myself in this exact situation.

During the empowering Disney film, Encanto, I noticed sitting next to me, was a man, a maskless man. I tried my best to ensure he felt uncomfortable with my well rehearsed combo of; dirty looks, aggressive tutting & exaggeratedly adjusting my own two masks, unfortunately, on this occasion it failed to make anyone safe. Instead I courageously bellowed “Ehem, I think you forgot your mask, you are putting me at risk”. He very quickly replied with a blast of statistics and various facts that annoyed me (I won’t repeat them here), “we are all exempt anyway” he explained.

All these rude and distasteful facts startled me, for a brief moment I thought to myself “am I wrong about all this?”. Of course I am not wrong, the science is clear (see Dr Hilary Jones). So I rebutted his nonsense with “I bet you haven’t even had your booster jab yet have you?”, he replied with the most obscene sentence one could ever imagine “No, I am not vaccinated at all”. I was mortified, I realised he was “one of those”. 1 hour and 39 minutes later, I was relieved to find myself still alive.

In order to protect his identity, I shall refer to this maskless man as Mr C. Porbyn.

After the film we got talking and decided to have an impromptu date (outdoors and 2m apart of course). I was surprised that asides from the most important issue of our time, Mr Porbyn and I, had so much in common, like the love of the Disney film we just watched and immigration.

Despite our unlikely spark, there was an immunocompromised elephant in the room (his ignorance). So I subtly slipped into conversation all the science that I could muster, including the big guns:

• “90% of the hospitals are filled with the unvaccinated”

• “you are happy to take your yellow fever vaccine to travel to Thailand”

• “it’s proven to be 95% safe and effective to protect yourself and those around you”

No matter how much science I did right there in front of him, he had an “answer” or a “study” for everything (don’t worry, none of his so called “studies” could be found on Wikipedia).

To cut this Long-Covid story short, it is with regret that my desire to live in a completely Covid-free world was temporarily undone by my insatiable lust for 37 minutes of mild pleasure with a notorious meteorologist (including waiting 30 minutes for my lateral flow results of course).

I learned more than I expected through my sexual experience with an anti-vaxxer, but what are my key take aways you ask?

1. Sometimes they vote the same way as you

2. They dislike Dr Hilary Jones

3. Position 69 is awkward, especially when masking between sips

P.S two weeks later, I tested positive for Covid-19, which just goes to show that it is not safe to be around these people.

Karen Naratif,

Amateur critical thinker